"There is a residue of experience in life that continues to shape us long after the actual experience has ended. We stretch and grow and learn a lot while living through it. Then we learn a little more after we've had some distance. We carry from such experiences indelible memories, and if it was a particularly bad experience there's usually some unfinished business."

So writes Pamela Mahoney Tsigdinos in her book Silent Sorority  the story of her journey through infertility, and finally her coming to terms with childlessness.

At 46, Pamela is two years older than me. Like me, she is coming to the end of her reproductive years, which for both of us were scarred by infertility treatments and failures. 

I have never met Pamela, but she contacted me a few weeks ago and asked me to read her book. I doubt she knew my story. Over my years of infertility I have honed my journalistic skills into an expertise in reproductive medicine - writing for both physicians and the public. But I rarely write about my personal battle.

If you've missed your fix of health news and commentary, take a look at our round-up of articles that piqued our interest this week on the web.

Our New Celebrity Obsession
The Medical Tourist
Should the Surgeon General be Slender?
Is That Right? Crystal Light Makes Women Drink More Water
Whole Mice Created from Stem Cells

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Padmini Mangunta

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When someone you love is struggling with infertility, it's not uncommon to wonder what you should do or say to be helpful - and not hurtful. A lot of the anguish expressed by my fertility-challenged patients stems from well-intentioned comments made by family members and friends. I would like to believe that these comments are truly well-meaning (this comes from what my husband calls my pathological level of optimism), but they're not always interpreted as such by the individual or couple on the receiving end who is desperate to start a family. So if you'd like to be a positive force, here's a general list of do's and don'ts to help you navigate this emotional minefield.

Mum's the word. If you have a friend, family member, or co-worker who has confided in you that she is struggling with infertility, take that confidence seriously. About half of all infertile individuals keep the information private out of a sense of guilt, shame, or fear. So if someone has told you that this is a problem for her, feel honored. And do not, for any reason, share the information with anyone else.

Leave it to the experts. Support your loved one in her treatment decisions, but don't give medical advice. I know that those of us who read People magazine cover to cover every week have a lot of know-how about infertility treatment and its success, but be aware that if your friend or family member is seeing a physician who is an expert in infertility, there is a fairly good chance that doctor knows more about her case and the appropriate course of treatment than you do. If you happen to know someone else who has an infertility doctor that she loves and has been successful with, you can offer the physician's name and contact information, but leave it at that.